Dear April!
Did I catch you by surprise? You are always on my mind! I wish I could say that I don’t think about you every second of my life but to your credit, you have made such imprint on my heart that I’ve come to conclusion
You knew me before I knew you, and let yourself into my life uninvited. From what I hear and read is that you, Dear April, did not start on the 6th of 1994, but much earlier than that.
See, you started warming my ancestor’s hearts and minds back in 1918. I honestly did not know what Hutu or Tutsi meant, and still can’t differentiate between the two. I didn’t know that my nose, ears, and height ware hinged on my mere existence. You will never understand how demeaning and degrading it is to be subjugated based on look by those you call family and friends. To your dismay, Dear April, you might be quick to put the burden on the white man and colonialism, and rightfully so. You and I have gone back and forth before on who to blame for our toxic codependency while Belgium, German, and France sit back with their dirty bloody hands.
Sorry, I went a little off tangent but I hope you can see my resentment, dear April.
Dear April, since you existed then, you might want to explain a bit more to me on my roots? I hear that a time where my Rwandans were supposed to save our country from the chains of colonialism, ended up chaining her to ethnocentrism. I hear that Hutu and Tutsi were the new Rwanda. I hear that just like the way “Tutsi favoritism” was during colonialism, “Hutu power” masqueraded herself as “elite” in Rwanda but more vicious.
In all honesty, Dear April, it’s hard to wrap my head around the “elitism” or “favoritism” of both ethnicities because my Grandpa was Hutu and Grandma was Tutsi yet they never saw anyone by their ethnicities, nor has any of these ethnicities given me a better life. Ethnicity, however, Dear April, has actually given me a bruised soul and resentment of not wanting to associate myself as Rwandan.
Anyways…
I hear that between the 60s & 70s, you dear April started creating your bloody canvas by massacring thousands of Tutsi through the name of Hutu power. You have no idea how many lives you altered, the hate you created, and how you forever changed the history of the country I dearly love. You, Dear April, chased a group of people out of their homes, killed some, burned villages, all in the name of independence masked in hate.
My anger tends to get the best of me when talking to you, Dear April, but you should be used to it by now.
On April 7th, Dear April, my dad was coming from the hospital which he worked at. He came home with sacks of beans, rice, and potatoes and moments after, the hospital was in ashes with almost everyone in it dead. I can’t lie and say that I remember these moments because I was three years old, but my brother remembers everything, and even though he might not talk to you as often as I do, I know he resents you just the same.
From that day on, Dear April, every single Rwandan life, including mine was forever changed.
I don’t need to remind you, dear April, but you remember the Interahamwe marching through every Rwandan street in Kitenges that had Habyarimana’s face on it cowardly waving their machetes, which, by the way, were supplied by the French. They, Dear April, were marking houses that were for Tutsis who were helplessly to be exterminated, while at the same time killing any Hutu that stood in the way of evil. You, Dear April! will forever be responsible for the start of a genocide that took 1/3 of my family, left orphans, widows, left genocide rape victims, and took about 1 million lives.
You, Dear April, is the reason why I have no mother or father, aunties, uncles, nephews, and nieces. You are the reason why I love less as times passes.
I have come to the conclusion that you and I will forever be intertwined till the end of times, and that goes for millions of other Rwandans. My prayer is that you trade gently with my coming generations because Rwanda cannot take any more hate and ethnocentricism.
Goodbye dear April, till tomorrow, because as much as I resent you, I can never forget you.
